Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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