I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
