I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
