Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize