i already hear my dad disowning me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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