I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
