If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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