Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
