Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
