I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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