I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
