This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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