When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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