its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
