I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
