i think my tv is drunk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize