She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
