I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
