fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
