Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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