Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize