ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
