I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
