Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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