Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
