Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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