guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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