i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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