like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
