How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
