i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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