piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize