At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
