So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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