everyone is single if you try hard enough
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
