I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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