I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
