You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
