when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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