Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
