yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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