you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
