Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
