I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
