What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
