I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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