I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
