In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
