ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
