Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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