i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
