went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
