Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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