I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
