were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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