Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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