What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
