my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
