ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
