I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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