I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You can't just leave with hair like that
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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