I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
