I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
