they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
