I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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