Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
nutella sex= disaster
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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