i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
